Spit. Spit. Curse. Two Times.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. The posts lately have been about as spotty as the forehead of a former Russian leader. Our apologies. Actually, we're the only people that read this damn thing anyway. This is a lot like talking to a sock puppet. At least the sock puppet talks back. Even if it is telling us to shave our bodies and run naked through Williamsburg. The question is: Are you really naked if you're only wearing a trucker hat and moon boots? Seriously, we're not ones to comment on fashion but moon boots in July are about as practical as music school. Get some sneakers for christ sakes. Wow. We're saucy today.

Alright, we'll throw an artist at you...CATCH! Oh my god. Oh my god. You dropped it. You'd better call your mom and explain what happened. She's going to be upset but you can reassure her that it was an accident and that everything will be ok. Whoa.

Bill Frisell's new record entitled "Unspeakable" is certainly one to pick up. The problem with jazz records is that they are too damn expensive. Is anyone listening? Is this thing on? Seriously, jazz labels, lower your damn prices. If you want to keep jazz alive for future generations, throw a $12.99 sticker on that bad boy and stop reissues that Miles Davis records that we ALL already have. Jazz was never meant to be an elitist art form. These guys were/are broke and your not helping them by pricing their records so high. Thanks. That was our public service announcement for today.

No promises but we're going to take a stab at a new top 5 tomorrow. Any suggestion from the gallery are welcome. As are moon pies. We love moon pies. Pies in, Boot out. media5

Where are we?

We ate the apple. Then this morning after a week of being asleep, we awoke to the kiss of a prince. Actually, the "prince" was a rather large man with a "Daddy's Little Princess" t-shirt on. So, what have we learned from this? Don't eat apples or make out with older men.

Today's musical staple remover is from Shudder to Think and their record "Pony Express Record". It never resolves. Seriously. They never frigging resolve. The entire album is kinda like being locked in a room with Hulk Hogan when he's high on angel dust. That happened to us once back in '86. But when all the chips had finally fallen, we came out of it with a very lucrative children's vitamin deal. We still have our souvenir yellow speedos.

We're back, bitch. media5

This zoo sucks. All the animals are asleep.

Four words: "Perfect 10 Model Boxing". What can we say? We're stunned. Completely stunned. Never in our lifetimes could we have foreseen this coming. Call us shortsighted but.... It was awesome. Flipping through the channels last night we found ourselves locked into this television debacle. Look it up. We're so not kidding.

Ok, 'tis the season for merriment and wonder and the Top 5 for this week:

1. Stereolab - Dots and Loops (Shame on you Warner. Shame on you.)
2. James Brown - Live At The Apollo (1962) (Makes us want to jump back and kiss ourselves.)
3. Reggae Hit The Town - Crucial Reggae 1968-1972 (Just pour something in a coconut and drink it and listen to this. The coconut is crucial.)
4. Jim Croce - Photographs & Memories - His Greatest Hits (If we could save time in a bottle, we'd probably sell it on Ebay.)
5. The Fiery Furnaces - Blueberry Boat (Not as practical as blueberry muffins or blueberry pancakes but, if it floats, ride it.)

Have a great weekend everyone. Or at least have one that doesn't involve electrodes, a bottle of gin and a tiger. Frigging tigers are everywhere. Everywhere. Be careful. media5

Safety first. Then beer.

From the makers of "Pedro, Where's My Muffin?" and "Tooth Attack" comes this summer's first epic motion picture. It's a story of love. Of betrayal. And one man's desire to learn what happened to him so many years ago. "Stalin Licks The Tape Dispenser" will leave you to ponder your very existence. This film will someday replace the air we breath with it's greatness. "Two nubs way up" says the guy who saw the film who, in turn, had no arms. Prepare to be mesmerized. Just don't get any on your new shoes.

Kids, we seldom dive into the classics. Well, except for yesterday. But today is a new day and well.... We're diving into the classics yet again. Today's holy grail of soul comes to us from Al Green. Listen, you can go out and buy any Al Green record but the "Greatest Hits" record that features him without a shirt on the cover is not only super-silly hot, but it contains some of the most memorable moments in music history. Mad ups to Rev. Grits Burn. Mad ups.

In one of many breakthroughs we've had in recent weeks, this week, we stopped believing in the Easter Bunny. We're working on Santa but that's going to be tough. So tell me about your mother. media5

Mr. Spanky? Your car is here.

It's lonely. So lonely. The life of a cheese salesman. If you spend your days selling and discussing cheese, how do you amuse yourself between customers? Are there cheese jokes that only "insiders" know? Even when discussed humorously, Gouda can only take you so far. The tracks for the cheese train only cover so much ground. Then you have to take a horse. And that, my friends, will chafe your inner thighs.

Arriving on the wings of greatness, today's musical something-or-other is Frank Zappa's "Freak Out!". If you've felt timid about seeking out Zappa, feel timid no more. This is the record for you. Pick it up with both hands and yell, "Yippie!!". Not too loudly though. That would be weird.

Do cheese salesmen and butchers have an unspoken rivalry? Rest your heads weary soldiers. In the eyes of Dr. Atkins, you're all embraced by his love. The love of all things low in carbs. Spark the grill. media5

What's in your wallet?

With all due respect, Your Honor....

Why do so many of our days start out with this phrase? Maybe we should take those 3 episodes of Law & Order off repeat. Does anyone in Hollywood realize that these shows are turning kids into criminal masterminds?

Y'all should check out the TV on the Radio record entitled "Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes". We heard they're great live but being under house arrest is a real bummer and doesn't allow us to see many shows. Just kidding. We're not under house arrest. Those blinking things on our ankles are just ways for the government to track us. We can come and go as we please and we never get lost. Have you seen my dog?

We're off to see the wizard. He owes us $20. media5

Ding Da Ding Da Ding

We decided to spend the weekend making hoop skirts out of trash bags. Fun of that magnitude can only last so long because one of us was on the verge of suffocation. They should really put better warnings on boxes of trash bags. It's really, really hard to breath when you put one on your head so you can scare kids when they come to your door for Halloween candy. It's nowhere near Halloween. That's odd. We had kids asking us for candy all weekend long. Maybe it was the van we were driving that attracted them to us. The youth of today have really missed the boat on that whole "Don't Talk to Strangers" bit. We talked to strangers and look where it got us.

Today's disc to ponder is Beth Orton's "Daybreaker". Actually, everything she's done to date is worth checking out. It's soft. Like oil. Fire on, little engine.

Air holes. We need more air holes. This box is stuffy and moist. Like a Wet Nap. There are few finer smells in the world as when you've just dusted off a bucket of chicken and you wash your hands with a Wet Nap. The smell of the soap and the chicken grease is magical. Colonel: we have a problem. media5