() It was.... It was.... ()

Let's get right to it shall we? The Screaming Jets. Oh yeah. Their 1991 release called "All for One" contains the song "Better" for which they had an incredible video. Ok, "incredible" might be a touch too strong but it was fun nonetheless. The Australian lead singer, Dave Gleeson, was rocking a Jerry Curl that would have made Eriq La Salle's character, Darryl Jenks, in Coming to America jealous. Good night. If memory serves us correct, he was wielding a sword as well. And something was burning. Video's of that era always had something on fire. Just ask Michael Jackson...

We've recently discovered Post-It notes. How did we ever live without them before? We'll tell you how: We wrote everything on our hands. Yup. And two of us went blind from ink poisoning. It's a helluva way to lose your sight but the benefits are nice. If only we'd seen it coming. media5

Sunglasses ++

It's easy to put on a pair of sunglasses and tell people that you're working with the secret service and that they please leave the premises. The hard part is getting them to actually do what you say. We tried this when there was a really long line at the local Wendy's. The people standing in line didn't seem to believe us. After this short-lived sociology experiment we came to the following conclusion: people will sacrifice national security for a Frosty. We don't blame them. Frosty's frigging rule.

Time for a curve ball. We haven't thrown one in a long time so here it is: A Decade of Steely Dan. Yup it's not indie and it's rather far from hip but it is chalk full of 70's FM radio goodness. Trust us. We wouldn't lie to you. Well, we might but it would probably be unintentional.

Yeah, we should be back on track tomorrow but maybe not. Trains scare us. We once used the restroom on the Eurostar between London and Paris. We came to the general consensus that is was the fastest we had ever traveled while using the bathroom. Planes don't count. They never do. Ok, one last musical blast. The Replacements' tune "Waitress in the Sky" from the album Tim. Crank it out and think about modes of transportation w/ on-board restrooms. Is this potty humor? Nope. It can't be. It's not funny. Don't forget to wash your hands. media5

If we could buy the world a Coke...

Late again. We were at the Keane show last night at the Knitting Factory. What a fantastic show. It was packed tighter than 50 Cent's entourage. If you missed it, be sure to check them out when they roll through your town. Unless you live in a place in your mind. It's a safe and fun place to live. If that's the case then the bands you like play there all the time. So what if Frankie Goes to Hollywood wouldn't reunite for VH1? They've reunited for you and they're rocking you out every night. Relax.

Like a paper cut that won't stop stinging, it time for the Top 5...

1. Matt Pond PA - Emblems (Opened for Keane last night. Smashing record and brilliant live set.)
2. Jawbox - Grippe (Resolve. For the love of god, resolve.)
3. Rachael Yamagata - Happenstance (If Fiona's record never sees the light of day, this will help ease the pain.)
4. Sneaker Pimps - Bloodsport (It's an older release and it came out after the female singer left and their label kinda fizzled. Snatch it up if you can.)
5. The Long Winters - The Worst You Can Do Is Harm (This band has one of the greatest senses of humor of any band around.)

Ok, short and sweet. Like sugar cookies and those mini tootsie rolls that you get when you use the drive-thru window at the bank. Everybody be cool, this is a stick-up. media5

Like licking a frozen mailbox...

Ok, so while this next bit of information may not be as thought provoking as why Walter Mondale would be carrying around a Victoria's Secret shopping bag, it's interesting nonetheless. Last night, in a rather Time-Life books fashion, we collectively bit our tongues at the same time. The pain is still there and it won't stop throbbing. We all agree that it hurts. The strangest thing about it is that it happened while we were eating ice cream. If you too chew your ice cream, you're not alone.

Bands, bands, bands. Well, today's simple black dress of sound comes to us in the form of Bebel Gilberto. Her new self-titled record is a sure-fire way to make you do something tropical. Like wear a Hawaiian shirt or blow into a conk shell or challenge a sumo wrestler. Do what you like. You'll always have a place to call home.

We don't judge you. We may laugh and point but we won't judge. Put that down before you lose and eye. media5

Drop, Drop, Drop

If it weren't for double-sided tape, we don't know what we'd do. It may be one of the single greatest inventions of our time. That and it's cousin electrical tape. It doesn't take a lot to impress us.

We've found ourselves listening to The Wrens a great deal as of late. This NJ band has been getting mad love by KEXP and they played a show at the Bowery Ballroom here in the city this past Saturday. Their record "The Meadowlands" comes highly recommended.

We're going to start our own cult. Everyone else is doing it so we want to jump on board as well. In order to join our cult you need 2 essential things: 1. A toothbrush and 2. A love for the road. Listen, in our cult, we don't want you to cut anything off of your body or sacrifice your eyes in a fire ceremony to prove your devotion to Omar Epps. We just want you to have good oral hygiene and a AAA membership. You never know when you might break down on the side of the road late at night. Better to be safe than sorry. media5

We're not very good with the milking of cows

Good morning everybody. What a wonderful morning it is. Depending on where you are, of course. If you're in Northern Canada well, it's probably cold. Not that cold is bad. You know what... we're not good with wishing people a good morning. Maybe you should wait to read this until the afternoon. We're much better with afternoons. Much less pressure. Too much hinges on the morning. It's sad really.

We must again give "mad ups" to Buzz. He found the song in question in yesterday's post. For those of you who might not have seen the posting, the song was "Piece by Piece". White-hot silly music video selection indeed. Kittens. Human hearts.

Today's super selection is a band called Rialto. The first cut on their album "Night On Earth" entitled "London Crawling" is not to be missed.

In a last bit of blog news, we've started adding links to bands and other various junky and amusing jargon. We're going through all of the old posts and updating them so if there is a post you've missed.... Wait... You missed one? We don't recall receiving a note from your doctor nor did we get a tardy slip from your mom. You have detention. Ever cleaning the erasers. media5

The Motherload

The Tubes. The frigging Tubes. While we were sitting about on a fine Sunday afternoon, zoning out, eating pickles straight from the jar, we ran head-on into this precious little troupe. Oh god. It's so unreal. Or surreal. We wish we were kidding when we say that, during their video for this song that we can't remember the name of or find on the web anywhere but it's on the record "Love Bomb", there were kittens walking around on a picture of a human heart beating during what appeared to be a surgery. Really wish we were kidding. If there is any way possible for y'all to see the video for that song, then please view with caution. We totally warned you. When we find the video you can bet your sweet tail that we'll post a link here. Actually, this blog could possibly become a shrine to this video. It encompasses everything that we stand for. In The Tubes we trust. If anyone out there finds a link to the video we were talking about, please pass it along.

This blog is going to be short today. Not that short is bad. Short blogs need love too. Actually, the blog says it doesn't like to be called short. It prefers "content challenged". PC for you and we...media5

know when to hold 'em

So tonight we’re making our network television debut on Access Hollywood. Just kidding. We’ll probably be on there soon though. We have people that will call their people. There is a story here. We can feel it. Maybe that’s just something we spilled on the floor and forgot to clean up that we’re feeling. Maybe it’s more than a feeling. It’s more like a rash. It’s itchy.

Open wide, it’s time for the Top 5…

1.Budapest - Too Blind to Hear (UK Pop Rock. You know the drill...)
2.Devendra Banhart - Rejoicing In The Hands (Low-fi, folky, joyous.)
3.Division Of Laura Lee - Das Not Compute (We wish we were Swedish. Because not only would we have better spatial relations and cooler haircuts but we would rock out garage style.)
4.PJ Harvey - Uh Huh Her (Polly Jean. You're a queen. And sometimes mean.
But we love you.)
5.Woke Up Falling - Dividing Blue From Blue (This record never got the push it deserved but it's a solid little number nonetheless.)

Our memory comes and goes but did we ever mention Longpigs? If not, please check them out. Like many bands that find their way to being mentioned here, these guys are no longer together. Their debut album “The Sun Is Often Out” is a must have. It’s tough to find but well worth the investigation.

Thanks for your participation. A home-version of this game will be made available soon. It’s going to have explosions and hot chicks. Baby chickens. Yummy, yummy baby chickens. Like veal with feathers. Fluff the pillow. media5

[cables and wires]

In a subtle and rather unceremonious tribute to a friend overseas, today’s band is Sterototal. When you hear them today, scream really loud. Particularly the song “du und dein automobil” Not sure if it’s a song for or against cars. Sounds like they’re for cars. Our understanding of the German language is a touch off…as is our sense of smell. We are learning French however. The language of love. You may have thought that the language of love was Vietnamese but you’re wrong. We can understand your confusion.

We love going to the beach. If you’re not already planning on it, you should certainly make the trek out to Coney Island for Siren Festival this year. It’s on July 17th and the bands are out of this world. You can go to the beach and see a fine lineup. You can also ride the rides. We like riding rides.

What happens if your fire escape catches on fire? Stop, drop and roll. media5

Pessimistic optimism

Like a pilot’s insatiable longing for airport scotch, we’re back. Huh? Good morning. It’s late but early. It’s all relative. Uncle Frank. We do our best thinking a night. After a hot shower and a hint of lavender oil. Soft lighting and low music. It was around this time nearly 7 months ago on a night not unlike tonight that we discovered alternative uses for bacon grease. With gas prices so high, we’ll try anything once.

John Vanderslice probably doesn’t worry much about the cost of gasoline. He’s more concerned with touring and making great records. Records such as his latest, “Cellar Door” for instance. He’ll be at N.6th in Brooklyn on 6.20.04 w/ Pedro The Lion. Both great acts, both environmentally conscience we would assume. That’s a nice thing to assume about someone. We hope they’re not driving across the country throwing fast food wrappers out the window. They don’t seem like the type of folks to do such a thing.

Who are we kidding? Our sense of smell has almost completely disappeared. We haven’t showered in days. Going to do that now. media5

The Juice

Yup. We're late. About 2 weeks. I think we're pregnant. This is going to get interesting. We worry about the fate of our offspring. It will probably have a large head and an obsession with all things that make noise. Much like this poor thing's future, this entry is going nowhere fast.

Speaking of the ocean, today's musical goo is Death Cab for Cutie. Their most recent offering is "Transatlanticism". Shear brilliance. And if you can find it on the web (not that we condone such activity...) you should also seek out Ben Gibbard's (singer of above mentioned band...) cover of Michael Jackson's "Thriller". And if you like that, you should also seek out "Against All Odds", The Postal Service's cover of the Phil Collins classic. Gentle Ben is the singer for that band as well. He gets around. Runaround Sue.

Speaking of being sued, we haven't yet. Hooray. Today we're celebrating not being sued. Wait we've just been handed a note...Contacting Johnny Cochrane.
media5

Wooden Tongue

While we were hanging out, working on our new cheering routine, we quickly realized that what we were doing was just plain wrong. We were only masking our deepest fears in open-ended, high school-esque cheering routines because we were in total denial until just that very moment that we once had a sixth member. The poor soul is probably somewhere outside of Topeka in a convention center signing autographs telling people that we were nice people but we had irreconcilable differences and we amicably parted ways. Is this Creed or are we dreaming? Whoa. Ouch.

Couple of new things on the musical horizon that we want to throw your way so we’ll take a moment and do that now. Nikka Costa and Emiliana Torrini each have new records on the way. Any Joss Stone and Bjork fans, respectively, will dig these two artists immensely. Also, the new Kings of Convenience record entitled “Riot on an Empty Street” will be out here on July 27th. Jump on that.

We’re petitioning to have the ban on electric pogo sticks lifted. Said ban has been in place since the 1970’s and it’s time to overthrow and reverse the outdated mentality that these particular pogo sticks are still a danger. We want freedom now. You can’t oppress us forever. We will fight on. Ouch. We scrapped our knee. Needing Bactine. media5

Eating Paste

Ah, it’s morning. The smell of coffee. The open air. Departing airplanes. Smelling salts. The rodeo. Papa was a rodeo. If you haven’t, you must check out the Magnetic Fields triple shot entitled “69 Love Songs”. It’s a precocious little collection about all things love.

If Copernicus was wrong, we don’t want to be right baby. Actually, he gave himself that name as it was derived from the Latin meaning of his original name: Bono. My how the tides turn so quickly.

Don’t run with scisors. Not because you could get hurt but because they don’t like to move about too quickly. They like to take it slow. Really slow.

Like a snowball fight in July, it’s time once again for this week’s Top 5:

1. Seafood – “As The Cry Flows” (Marvelous melancholy embraces simple yet poignant tidal waves of sheer sonic joy. Yeah, that made sense. It’s an import so if you only buy one record this week, get this one.)
2. The Veils – “The Runaway Found” (We love records that are indescribable. This is one of those records. If you buy two records this week, definitely make this the other one.)
3. Brad – “Interiors” (We’re overjoyed that the vocalist of this band is resurfacing again. They used one of his solo tunes when Adriana got whacked. We feel like bad-asses when we say “whacked”. Stone Gossard was also in this band. Flashback: 1997. If you get three records, it’s not going to kill you…)
4. Damien Rice – “O” (Collectively, we’ve seen this Irish touring machine nearly 20 times. You know what? Buy this record as well. It’s the economy, sweetheart.)
5. Sparklehorse – “It’s a Wonderful Life” (Lyrical imagery at it’s finest. If you’ve bought this many records this week, you might as well just throw this one in the pile as well. You’ll go hungry but you’ll thank us for it later.)

Never have we seen such a beautiful day. However, you can’t go out and enjoy it now because you’re broke. Sorry about that. Just dust off the copy of Wayne’s World you got at McDonald’s for $3 with the purchase of a happy meal and ignore the day outside from afar. Slowly converting to DVD. media5.

This fan is only making things warmer.

It has finally happened, we have “writer’s block”. Yup. Someone brought in a batch of Lego’s and we’ve decided to make words and poetry out of them. Maybe we’ll just build a castle or a racecar or a new refrigerator. Not sure if you picked up on it or not but racecar spelled backwards is still racecar. We smell a Nobel Prize in our future.

If we may make a suggestion, we hope you’ll aurally fixate yourself on Starsailor’s first LP. We like them. It feels good to be liked. It also feels good to pour warm honey on your feet. It’s the cleanup that detracts from the act. It usually is.

Uncharted territory. Is there any left on the planet other than behind your stove? Don’t forget to change the battery in your fire alarm and set your clocks back. That way, you won’t burn and you’ll be early. Safety first. media5

Hold on....Hold on...We're going to wait to click on the orange question mark until after we've posted this blog.

We here at media5 most certainly do not condone the ownership of people. Especially football players. We simply can not help but conjure up images of some former Heisman trophy recipient, locked in a basement, veiled in a "gimp" mask and forced to call out plays that simply won't move the offense down the field of scrimmage. If by chance, you've found yourself in this particular situation, we ask that you motor yourself and you’re your captive over to the nearest Wal-Mart and release this poor fellow.

And what makes you so sure of your imaginary victory over our poor honor student? How do you know that our scholar doesn't have a pituitary gland disorder that makes him 8 feet tall? Sure he's a bit uncoordinated but his stamina will certainly factor in after the first round or two. Someone, including us, needs a hug. And a teddy bear.

So we got all dolled up and went out and bought our first pre-owned space ship today. Now Lance Bass can take a ride with us to the moon. It’s only going to be a day trip because we had no idea it was going to take this much gas. It’s actually rocket fuel but let’s not get technical. We love technical. We love you. Maybe we don’t tell you that enough but we do. Big hug.

Ok, we’ve got a joke for you…How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? Wait, that wasn’t the joke… Hold on. Let us think for a second. Oh never mind. The moment is gone. It would have been funny if someone else had told it correctly.

Every road leads us back to Neil Halstead. He’s the singer for Mojave 3 but his solo work is special. “Sleeping on Roads” is that solo record. Brilliant stuff.

We’re kinda toying with the idea of turning this into an mp3 blog where we’ll post a song of the day as well as gossip about other records and whatnot. It may happen. It may not. We’re about as decisive as an oil slick. You do the math. We haven’t done math since the fall of the Berlin Wall. Wait, it might have even been before that. Communism confuses us. As do the songs played over the ice cream truck loud speaker. It’s dripping. media5

Counting is FUN!

“We’d rather be golfing”. Mini-golfing. If we owned a mini-golf course, we’d totally sell those license plate covers. Shouldn’t you be wearing a helmet instead of worrying that deeply about the exterior rims of your license plate? It’s a good thing we don’t drive all the time because we’d go off the road thinking about stuff like this. And we’d probably be listening to the music too loudly. Yup, loudly listening to The Delays as the car crashes all over the place. But the sacred and pompously numeral-bearing license plate would be tippy top. Your honor student may, one day, save your license plate’s life. Be proud and also know that The Delays are playing the Mercury Lounge in NYC in July.

While on the topic of exploding, Explosions In The Sky is an insanely intense troupe. Their mine-laden compositions smell like a musical gas fire and it’s headin’ for the shed. New Top Five in 259,000 seconds. Start counting. media5

String Cheese Sweater

Grenada. Buzz is now the proud owner of Grenada. Please Buzz, you can do what you will with this country but please don’t change the color of the flag. Wait, owner is kinda strong. Divine Leader. Yeah, Divine Leader is a better title. We contacted the UN and the deed is in the mail. Congratulations. There is only one downside to your illustrious winnings however: Mr. Roper is your Secretary of State. Good Ship Lollipop indeed.

Clowns: The everlasting debate. Some people think they’re creepy. Some think they are only in our lives to juggle for us. Do you know the history of juggling? Nope. Neither do we. As far as written history about juggling is concerned, it’s right up there with Beowulf. Scott Beowulf.

Is the “3-second rule” worth it? Really. If no one’s around, do you count to yourself? If you’re an openly schizophrenic body builder from Jersey City, NJ, you’re excused from this exercise. We’ve seen your work. Rarely does the world ever get you down or tell you what to do. You’re your own boss. You deserve it. We’ll give you one moment in time. Cut to the film montage.

Wow. Music. That’s what we’re here for. Well, that and to fend off evil-doers. Welcome back. An oldie but a goodie is none other than Life Without Buildings. Their record was called “Any Other City” and it’s a tough record to find but well worth it. Spin it and see. Sadly, they broke up.

Wait, we actually live in a world where music no longer has to spin… Since we started recording music and sound, it has spun. Now, it’s mp3s and computerized audio files. Wait do mp3s spin? Field trip. media5

Homemade Fudge

Well if we’re not a flea market that only sells body parts… Mr. Lunchables has joined our fray of tainted yet quality banter and has imparted a great deal of useful knowledge and wisdom on us, we might add. Welcome you mighty sultan of swing. If you, our impartial reader, don’t have a clue what we’re spouting about, please check yesterday’s comment. Two quick questions: Why did the Andes Mint that was included with almost every Lunchable always taste like pseudo-plastic sandwich meat? And why did we, as a society, never question this until now? Moving sideways…

Ok. Lightning Prize Round. If you can, right now, off the top of your head, sing the 2nd and 3rd verse of the “Three’s Company” theme song, you win a small country of your choice. We’re not kidding. A small country of your choice. Take your pick. E-mail us.

Damn, it’s incredibly difficult for us to concentrate on writing this when the doorbell is ringing. They just keep ringing and ringing… Cool, food’s here.

It was buzzing. Humming. Hum. “You’d Prefer an Astronaut”. At some point you should seriously either revisit it or seek out that album.

Wowser. Welcome to ADDT. Attention Deficit Disorder Theater. It’s like dinner theater only you keep losing your fork and forgetting what you ordered to eat. Let’s go ride bikes. My house is red. Love puppies.

Holy high wattage light bulbs, Batman. It’s time for this week’s Top 5:

1. Keane - Hopes & Fears (We’ve been waiting for this one for a long time. They're playing the Knitting Factory in June. They sound pretty.)
2. The Delays - Faded Seaside Glamour (Ok. It's become a strange obsession of ours: UK pop/rock bands w/ singers that sing entirely too high. Regardless of our odd pension for such phenomena, this record is superfly. Any band that kicks off a record with backing steel drums is more than just ok in our book.)
3. Juana Molina - Tres Cosas (We don't have a friggin' clue what she's talking about but it sounds wonderful. We sometimes imagine that she's singing about being alone in outer space or trees. It goes back and forth.)
4. Journey - Journey's Greatest Hits (Wheel in the sky keep turning indeed. You can almost smell the AquaNet.)
5. Kings Of Convenience - Quiet Is The New Loud (So what if it's 3am and she's coming over for coffee to talk about a love that could have been? It doesn't matter. Write a song about it.)

Quick, what’s your blood pressure? That’s something you should always know off the top of your head. Our new ThighMaster Gold (yeah, it’s a whole new era in thigh toning) helped lower our blood pressure and we have a slammin’ new backside. Collectively, of course.

Thank you Suzanne Summers. You changed our lives.

Three plus tandem. Do a wheelie. media5

Fashion and photocopying

Topical. Hot Topical. What a great idea! A ‘Hot Topic’ clothing store for people like Tim Russert. Gothed-Out News Anchors. News is a dish best served cold. Or was that revenge? Whatever.

We’ll continue the tradition of providing you with the finest quality hops and barley and deliver this frosty beverage of sound…Buffseeds. Check out their “Sparkle Me” EP. They played a great show at Piano’s in NYC back in October 2003. We’re not sure what they’re up to now. The Audio Bullys record is another great summertime scorcher.

We all held our breath to see who could hold it the longest but we’re not sure who won the contest because we all passed out. Commitment ladies and gentlemen, is the key to success. So is the ability to restrain yourself from photocopying your own buttocks with the office copier during the holiday party or at any other time during the year for that matter. No one needs to see that. Kiss on the cheek. media5

The Art of Glass Eating

Be mindful of your surroundings because nothing slows you down like dog poop and dead Walkman batteries. We wonder if the Walkmen dig Lewis Hine’s other photography work? Probably. They’re on top of it.

It’s really hard to imagine what some things taste like. Do you ever look at something and wonder what it tastes like? Windex. Perfect example.

Today is Clothing Optional in Your Own Home Day and our neighbor is clearly exercising the “optional” clause. Think happy thoughts. Consult a physician. Continue to think happy thoughts. Poor Rich Ones were a great band. “Happy, Happy, Happy”

We’ve been thinking about conducting a poll. Are you in favor or opposed? There that was easy. media5

Joy of golfing

Wheat grass tastes like lawn shavings and if anyone tells you different, they’re probably really skinny and have great skin. Life is about…Yeah, we’re not going to change our name to the Philosophical 5. Don’t worry. Be Mogwai. Great Scots. Indeed.

We happened across this band called “Caught In The Headlights”. We think that they’re w/ Toddler Records. What if Deerhoof were Caught In The Headlights? Bad, bad. We won’t do that again. We promise and our fingers weren’t even crossed behind our backs. But luckly technology is such that you’ll never know if we’re pulling your leg or not. Wait…Pulling your leg? That doesn’t make any sense at all. It’s much easier to tell the truth than to get down on your knees and start yanking on someone’s trousers. John Peel loves you. W.W.J.P. do? media5