Are you a US citizen?

Welcome to the mile high club. We’re writing this from an airplane. Yippie. Airplanes. Our sincerest apologies for not bothering to post anything on Friday. We were on a frigging airplane then as well and our computer was dead. Yup. Jet-setting across the country and Mexico to bring you the latest and greatest bands from the Southwest. Well, that was our intent anyway. We actually didn’t see any bands or hear anything new that rocked our world. Probably because we were inside all day, every day trying not to burn alive. Listen, we have an announcement to make to the people of that area: Your hood is beautiful but we sunburned our frigging lips while eating ice cream. And we were inside while we were eating it. Ok, that wasn’t much of an announcement. It was more a declaration. Kids, it was hotter than a fryer-vat full of porn stars down there. And a quick word of advice to fellow travelers: Even though it might seem like a good idea to hook-up some cheap dental work in Mexico, don’t bother. We have a hair-lip and gum disease now. We did, however, score plenty of prescription drugs to ease the pain. Actually, it all evened out. These things tend to work themselves out. And someday, our S’s will cease to whistle when we speak. All in due time.

In lieu of rambling on like Hunter S. Thompson after drinking a pot of coffee that was brewed with a cocaine filter, we’ll get back to business now. Here’s last week’s Top Quatro. Wait, we mean Cinco. Our Spanish sucks. Maybe that’s why we lost our pants during a friendly game of chess. And it wasn’t the embarrassment of walking around Mexico without pants that caused us grief. It’s the fact that our legs are now so badly sunburned, we’re going to have to give up our career as foot and leg models for fetish magazines. That bank was tight too.

1. The Pixies – Death to the Pixies (We suffered iPod-less through the desert listening to only Mexican radio, when suddenly, just as we were about to cross the border, "Monkey Gone to Heaven" came on the radio. No joke. It was a sign. A very, very strange sign.)
2. Mojave 3 – Excuses for Travelers (The album title kinda sums this one up.)
3. Death Cab for Cutie – Transatlantisism (Ben, we’re sorry we missed Siren Fest. It was probably really hot there too.)
4. Sparta –Porcelain (Granted, we haven’t heard the entire album yet but what we have heard busts up your head like a piñata. Pick up and/or revisit the At The Drive-In record as well.)
5. Senor Coconut - Fiesta Songs (Yeah. You can figure this one out as well.)

Ok, since we’re here, we’ve got to just mention a few more things about the Southwest. It’s hot. Did we mention it was hot? We fear we may have suffered heat-stroke and our short-term memory is gone. Or it’s the Mexican Percocet. You be the judge.

This just in… We’ve just received a note defining the saying "joining the mile high club". You do what, in where, with whom? You’ve got to be kidding. Is there a course or something you have to take first? We can barely work the sink to wash our hands. Our pants off to the brave few that have accomplished this task. You should get a purple heart for that or something. If you have conquered this aerial feat, send us a note and we’ll contact your congressman.

Did you know that Alice Cooper has his own restaurant in Phoenix? Yeah, yeah, yeah. School’s Out. Would you like mashed potatoes or fries with that? media5